I decided to stop by Tolu’s place after work, This decision had taken 6weeks to make.                            Let me quickly put you in the know. Tolu and I had been friends since Uni I met him as a fresher while he was already in his third year. On that faithful day, I noticed the bus driver didn’t collect the usual bus fair of 50 naira from me. When I inquired he told me that one of the guys at the back had paid for me. I turned to thank the good samaritan but instead I saw 4 guys grinning sheepishly. I hissed and turned away.  .  .  .  .  I got off the bus amidst calls of “hey hey” “excuse me”. I quicken my pace and disappeared amongst a huge gathering. I Finally got to my class and breathed a sigh of relief as I wasn’t being followed.                      I thought to myselF how stupid those guys where if one of them thought he was going to “GET ME” with just 50 naira. I busied myself with lectures and soon forget the incident of that morning. Towards evening it occurred to me that my phone hadn’t even rang all day. I reached for my bag to get it and it wasn’t there…. I instantly died a little inside, i search everywhere for it but cant find it. I even borrow a neigbours phone to call it.  It rings but no one picks.  . I resigned to fate that it must have been stolen and wearily pack my things and head for the bus stop. I  am almost getting on a bus when someone tapped me. When I turn, i recognize him to be one of thE giggling morons from the morninG.  “WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY” to let out steam. I quickly trAnsferr all my aggression on him. I go as far as stuffing a 200 naira note into his pocket and asking him to keep the change. All this while he just stands there with a weird grin plastered on his face. When I am done he slips his hand into his pocket, hands me my phone and leaves. I had never been more embarrassed in my entire life. Like you already guessed, it turned out that when I got down from the bus my phone fell off and the dude whom I found out his name to be Tolu picked it up and was calling me to come get it, he missed all his classes that day waiting to see if I would pass again to come look for it. To cut the long story short we became best friends. We were inseparable the only time we weren’t together were during classes. I was a law student while he  was an “engine boy” as engineering boys were called . The whole school thought We were dating where as we hadn’t even as much as kissed. We continued this way until he left school a year later for his nysc. I still had 3yrs to go but tolu somehow found a way to come and see me as often as possible. I “liked” Tolu a lot. He was my body guard, school father,big brother,best friend,confidant etc etc. The list was endless. My friends were green with envy. They always told me “your so lucky” and “he hasn’t even touched you”. I was always appalled by their questions. I mean why would Tolu touch me (rolling my eyes) we were not that kinda friends. In my final year I became the course rep and this was greatly used to my advantage. I only had 5 courses per semester. I liased with my lectures and pushed my classes for Mondays and tuesdays. This gave me the rest of the week to travel and go flex with him as he now had a demanding job and couldn’t visit like he always did. It was on one of such trips that “he touched me” and even though it was my first time, he made the movies I had seen and the novels I had read seem like child’s play. I quickly added “boyfriend” to that list I made earlier and things continued to be rosy between us. We were now officially a couple I mean we were having sex weren’t we?.

We made sure I was posted to Abj for my law school so we could be close. Then the shocker came, his company was sending him to china for 3yrs. I was heartbroken and cried uncontrollably the day he was leaving. Tolu called me a crybaby and hugged me,he promised not to make me miss him and that he would keep in touch everyday. True to his words I didn’t really miss him cos I still felt his presence. We talked everyday for the 3yrs.

One day Tolu told me he was coming back to nigeria and we needed to talk… I was ecstatic I instantly knew he was going to propose to me. I couldn’t hide my joy. I went shopping and prepared for his coming. He came in on a tuesday night and calleD me. I was away on official assignment but was due back the next day, we made dinner plans. When I came back I quickly made my hair, and of course nails. I didn’t want my fingers to look horrible when he would put the ring on it. I took my time to dress that day. I didn’t wear mascara cos I didn’t want my eye make up to run in case I cried. I was certain I would cry when he gave me the ring. I arrived the venue 20minutes later than our scheduled time, but I didn’t mind, My Tolu was waiting patiently for me.. He looked casual in a T-shirt and jean. He complimented my dressing and asked me if I had other plans after the dinner as I was so gorgeously dressed. I giggled nervously, Tolu always had a great sense of humor. He kept touching my face and complimented my hair. He said I had become even more beautiful and that any man will be lucky to have me,  I held my breath. He came close to me I naturally assumed he was going to kiss me instead he pecked my forehead. I didn’t mind I just assumed he didn’t wanna smudge my lipstick. Dear friends I went to the rest rooms three times to ensure my looks where perfect. I wanted to look pretty in pictures as I was sure people around me would take pictures  when he got on his knees.. Tolu finally took my hand when I came back and I could tell he was looking at my fingers. He removed the cocktail ring I was wearing and asked what size it was I told him. He said I ought to be wearing real diamonds instead of Crystal glasses. He put his hands in his pocket and I start smiling sheepishly. Instead he brings out his handkerchief. I am still holding my breath. He now tells me how a certain friend of his wanted to propose to someone but didn’t know how and asked how best to do it… By now I was smiling sheepishly. I just told him to tell him to go ahead and do it that I was sure no girl would refuse him. He asked if I was sure I said yes.. By this time I was close to tears and my eyes were closed. I expected to find Tolu on his knees when I opened it. After an uncomfortable silence. I opened them and he was still sitting starring at me with a grin on his face. He asked if I was sleeping. I said NO. He said anyways let’s go. He dropped me off and rejected the offer to stay over. As he had a long day tomorrow. I went to bed confused. I just assumed he didn’t buy the ring and he also wanted to be sure I would agree.

The next day I was preparing a Brief for a client when Tolu called he was screaming happily I couldn’t hear him as there was loud music at the background.. I disconnected the call and sent him an sms asking him to “send me an sms”. His sms comes and reads. “She said yes”. I am confused and I reply “yes to what?” He replies ” I proposed and she said yes”. I wake up in the hospital the next day. I slip past the nurses and take a cab home. Tolu calls me all month long but I won’t speak to him. He comes by my office and my house but the security won’t let him in. He is surprised as to why I Don’t wanna see him. He sends so many text messages. “The last of which reads “please talk to me you are my best friend”.

That night I sit in my empty house and think. All these years I took Tolu to be bodyguard, my father,my confidant and my everything while I was just “his best friend”. When I added boyfriend to the list he added “with benefits” to his own.  When I got to his place I cried uncontrollably of course he had led me on.

Tolu was quick to remind me that he didn’t lead me on he didn’t remember expressly telling me he wanted us to date. I was quick to remind him that he was the one who popped my cherry and he was the only guy I have ever been with. He responded by telling me that if he had known he wouldn’t have done it… Tolu said that there was “NO DEFINITION” to our friendship (he didn’t say relationship) and he thought I understood the position of things.

His wedding is next month. I took my annual leave 3 months earlier than normal. I haven’t left my house in 3weeks. MORAL OF THE STORY…. You tell me

The 12 top reasons why Igbos and Yorubas should not marry

Hello my dearest yummy nomy blog reader, I hope your having a really fab day,
This post I must say is actually God sent lols
Yes God sent because I actually relate to it in so many ways.
So read it and be inspired,

Whether you are aware of it or not, many inter-tribal relationships have died an untimely death because of the tribal differences between the couple. Parents, elders, and friends have rained down fire and brimstone to see to it that this sacrilegious union does not get to the altar. The strong couples come out of it beaten, bruised, but alive nonetheless. The weaker ones — well, they inspire me to write this.

Couples who are NOT the people I’m talking about (but who look good on my blog)

The most popular union seems to be the one between the Igbos and the Yorubas. With this in mind, I have compiled a list, specially for everyone who is currently in such a relationship.  If you have been pressured into breaking up because of tribal differences and you have no idea why you should – or if you should, then I am here to help you make that decision. Please read, digest, and understand the lists below.

Reasons Igbos Should NOT Marry Yorubas:

1. They’re dirty.

2. All they know how to do is party.

3. They eat too much oil.

4. Their women flirt/sleep around too much.

5. Their men will ALWAYS cheat with a Yoruba woman.

6. They are loud and obnoxious. You can hear them from a mile away.

7.  They are wild. They are the real “Akata” people.

8. They are Nigeria’s problem.

9. They don’t understand the Igbo culture.

10.  They do too much juju.

11.  They betrayed the Igbos during the Biafran war.

12. And to top the list, they are not Igbo.

Reasons Yorubas Should NOT Marry Igbos:

1. They’re rude; they have no respect.

2. All they know how to do is chase money.

3. Their pounded yam is as hard as stone.

4. They don’t put enough oil and spice in their food.

5. Their in-laws are wicked! The husband’s family will always maltreat the woman.

6. They cannot speak Yoruba, and even if they can, they do not know our culture.

7. They will sell their brother for money.

8. They won’t let us play our fuji music at home.

9. They’re Nigeria’s problem. They keep trying to divide us.

10. When their women die, their bodies have to be returned to Igbo Land to be buried.

11. They eat human beings.

12. And the mother of all crimes, they are not Yoruba.

Top 12 Reasons You Should NOT Consider Before Getting Married

1. He/she does not appreciate you.

2. He/she has a turbulent past and a shaky present.

3. He/she can never be faithful to you. And you know this.

4. You have nothing in common, except your tribe, of course.

5. Your dreams, values, and aspirations couldn’t be further apart from each other – even if you stretched them thin.

6. He/she just doesn’t get you.

7. He/she knows how to bring out the worst in you.

8. You cannot quite place your finger on it, but you know that something isn’t right with this relationship.

9. You know that you know that you know that you cannot count on him/her to be there when you need him/her.

10. He/she has no ambition whatsoever.

11. Even with a gun to your head, you cannot vouch for him/her.

12. And the least of all, he/she has done nothing to imply that he/she might be remotely in love with you.

Bonus reason: he/she continuously picks his/her friends and family over you.

If you find yourself confused by the tone of this list, go back to the beginning and read it again till the end.  And just like the tributes in The Hunger Games, may the odds be ever in your favor.

Alternatively, you can find a partner who is Chinese-Iraqi, born in India, and fluent in Portuguese  and Italian. There is no list for that. Yet.

Vera Ezimora writes at http://www.verastic.com
You can also like her face book page at Verastic Vera

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AMINA -By Joy Isi-Bewaji

Amina sold everything- bags, shoes, clothes, table mats, towels, jewellery…anything she could lay her hands on, she sold. She used to say I was her best customer. Five years ago she invited me to her wedding ceremony- a handful of friends and neighbours. I was trying to get out of a miserable one, and she was about to begin her own chapter into matrimony. I felt sorry for her, I wasn’t sure why. I was there because of her, but I wanted the merriment to end so I could sneak back home to read a book. From where I sat, everything looked pale except for her smile. Oh, I remember her smile- so genuine.

She was finally a married woman. We lost touch. I got too busy redefining my femininity (whatever-that-means), and I believed she soaked herself into married life. Two hours ago, a mutual friend called sobbing on the line: “She worked too hard…hustled too hard…her twins just clocked one yesterday…and today she is dead…she worked too hard to make ends meet for her family and ignored her own health…she worked too damn hard, Joy”. Amina died in the hospital a few hours ago. She died of typhoid.And without sounding bitter, I always wonder: why does a nursing mother need to work so hard to make ends meet when there is a man- a husband in the picture?

This is beyond Amina, it is a trend- a wife works a nine-to-five or a business that takes her away from her home and from her children all day. She gets home and without any break jumps into the kitchen to tend to a husband’s need- food.

The baby is crying at the corner; the housemaid is reeling out the events of the day; her phone is ringing- someone wants her to bring the goods to an office tomorrow. She is deadbeat; and at midnight a hand crawls under her wrapper- the husband wants sex…Will it kill a Nigerian man if he goes into the kitchen to fix his own dinner? Will he turn to a frog if he picks his own baby up and change the diapers? Will he become less of a man if he lays the bed he will be sleeping on? Amina is gone, and maybe her husband is nothing like I have described; I don’t know him and I can’t even remember what he looks like. This not about him; it is about a culture that has become a burden for many women who are too tired to speak.

Rest in peace, dear one.

So sad….

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My name is Oyinkasola Olaitan Clegg. I am a lady. I am 35.  I am single. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. But I have had to say this either verbally or otherwise to so many people in the course of the last few years that sometimes I begin to wonder if there’s really nothing wrong with me. Don’t get me wrong, they don’t come and tell me “you are not married Oyin, something must be wrong with you” no, they would never do that. But say it, they did, loud and clear.

Let me not bore you with those parts of my life. As a background, I am a good looking Yoruba girl, well shaped the way African men like their women, with flesh in the right places. I have a first degree from the University of Lagos and a Masters Degree from the University College, London. I am tush, fresh and a high flyer. I even have the dream job, a CSR person in an oil firm. And I like to live life to its fullest. These are the stories of my encounters, escapades and experiences as I search for the man who will leave his family and cleave to me. Who will love me forever. Who will make my life eternal bliss. Okay, okay, okay, I am doing it again. I tend to project the stories I read into life. Never mind, I am old enough to know that stories are just that, stories.

Its Friday night. And when you say that in Lagos social circles, it could only mean one thing; ditch the suits and let the short dresses, body hugging jeans and bust enhancing tops come forth. And so I called up my friends Toke and Gloria and we agreed to meet up at Mega Plaza to start the night with some chips and seafood. I shutdown at five O Clock and drove straight home to my apartment in Carlton Gate Estate in Lekki. Inside the house, I flopped into my couch and turned on my companion at home, my TV. Now pardon me, but I wonder how life must have been before the TV. If I was lost on an island and I could take only one item along, it had to be either my BB or my TV (see how we have a knack for reducing things to two letter words). As I settled in to rest in reserve for the long night ahead, my phone rang.  I glanced at the screen to confirm who it was. It was just Kalu. I was hoping it would be somebody else. I had been ignoring bb messages from him all day and I guess he calculated I’d be off work now and decided to call.

Okay, a little background on him. I am 35 and single (I know I’ve said it before but I need to re-emphasize) so when I really need to get some and there’s no serious person around, I do the phone select. Here’s how it’s done. You pick your phone and scroll through your contacts list and eliminate men based on certain criteria. What you want is a no strings attached person who will not interpret a night together as an invitation to a long term relationship. So you cancel out the fervent toasters, the guys who have been having settling down conversations with you (considering you didn’t consider them settling down material and latch on all the while you’ve been having such conversations) and other such over-serious people. By now, you’ve narrowed the list down. Then you eliminate those who are in places so far it requires too much effort to see. I stay in Lekki, so if you stay in places like Ipaja, Ikorodu and the likes, I ex you from the list. Now I have a probable list. Then I go into the fineries of history together, attraction and settle on a few options. I then put a call through to the best option of the lot and drop a few hints. If he catches on, game on. If he doesn’t, I round the conversation off and move on to the next until I hit jackpot. This was the rigorous screening process I had put Kalu through, but we get wrong sometimes. I was very wrong with Kalu. After the night together (that’s a story for another day), he became all he wasn’t meant to be. Clingy, intrusive and needy.  

Anyways, back to the present. I picked the call and the conversation went something like this

Kalu: Hey Princess

Me: Kalu, whatsup (I called him his name, he should get the message)

Kalu: You haven’t responded to my messages all day

Me: I’ve had a full day.

Kalu: But you read all the messages, it said R here. You could have sent a small message. Anyways, you said had, so your workday is over. Are you going out?

Me: (Warning bells, anything I say now will have Kalu trying to be a part of whatever plans) Yes. I’m home now. No I’m not going out, I have a wedding tomorrow and want to rest

Kalu: Okay, I’ll buy dinner and come over.

Me: (Alarm bells) Thanks for the offer Kalu, but the girls are using my pad for a Hen night for the bride to be.

Kalu: (sighs). Okay, I’ll see you after the wedding tomorrow.

Me: Call me before heading o.

Kalu: Goodnight love

Me: Ciao.

Whew. That was close. Quick thinking, quick lying saved the day. Now to rest and get ready for the night out.

At 9:45, I was ready to go out. I was hot, hot, hot. In fact, I was so hot, I was burnt and roasted, lol. I said the spinster’s prayer and stepped out of the house. I hooked up with my girls at Mega Plaza. If you haven’t tried the chips and sea food there, then you are a weist! We shared two plates and by then, it was eleven O clock. We touched up and smiled past the bouncers, very glad with the effect we saw our collective hotness was having (you notice babes look finer as a group than alone)

We took the elevator and then the small flight of stairs up into The Marquee. Lagos sha. People that were at work complaining of tiredness a few hours ago at work were here grooving away. As I was stepping in, someone bumped into me on his way out. I was about to give the person “bad eye” when our eyes met. I felt like entering the ground. It was Kalu.

I quickly gathered myself together and smiled very charmingly, hoping to disarm him. “Hi Kalu”, I said. I was expecting him to go into a series of questions accusing me of lying to him and all, when she came up to him. Inside my inner mind, green envy began to sprout. Her skin was clear like she had someone following her around photoshoping her with each step she took. Abeg, when I see person wey pass me, I admit it. The girl was the kind that entered a room and all the men in the room stopped seeing every other girl in the room and became puppies all around her. She was addressing Kalu now, “Boo, I told you to hold up, I just had to say hi to my friend now”. The confirmation that Koikoi (yes, I gave her a name) was with Kalu and they were obviously intimate made the green monster in my heart leap. I felt a strong urge to punch him in the face, but I respected myself. Why anyway? What claim did I really have to Kalu?

The saying that something becomes more desirable when it’s not yours hit me square in the face. It was even more painful when I realized I was just “one of the options” Kalu had for the night. Then it dawned on me; Kalu had done the phone select, and I was one of the options that didn’t work for that Friday night. The saying, “Do unto others as you would have done unto you” is true o, cos now that I was on the receiving end, e pain me die.

Kalu quickly did the introductions, and I could see a look in his eyes I suspected was gloating. “Oyin Clegg, my friend,” he said pointing at me while facing her and then turning to face me, he said with meaning “My special friend, Tara Cole”. Ha! Even her name was finer than my own. My night was firmly on the path of depression. They breezed past us towards the spiral steps leading to the elevator, as Kalu said coolly “Enjoy your night girls, and if you’re having any trouble enjoying yours, we’d be glad to help.”
(To be continued)

Tunde is a musician and a writer you can follow him on twitter
@tundeleye. His new book “Golden Sands” is now available for sale.
The hard copy of the book retails in Nigeria for 2000Naira only, and for those outside Nigeria please visit   http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009R0XMW2. For more details on how to get this book send me a mail @ nomy@mtnnigeria.blackberry.com and I will hook you up with a sales person closest to you.
Also follow me on twitter @nomyguccy Have a fab day and thank you for visiting YNB today

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Every now and then,we are called upon to view pictures and videos of adulterous people caught in the act. They are leaked videos,expository pictures, people having sex, genital displays,people caught in the act etc.
The responses are always predictably that of heated criticism,mockery and insults.
We scoff at these people like they are the dregs of the society the epitome of shame.

I was in a heated discussion yesterday about the airtel staff caught in pictures having sex. This picture has been manly publicised by blogs.
They were allegedly married to other people,sent on an official mission abroad and were having an affair.
Two married people with separate families.
Then there was also this video of a female bank manager who had sex with her worker and got exposed in the media.
The pictures had moralistic people gloating,yes! this was some sort of divine justice to expose wrong doers,fornicators and of course adulterers.

The other side of the argument was
1)Why were they having sex during their duties.”mixing pleasure with work”
2)They were wrong,they are adulterers
3)Adulterers should be exposed because they are hurting their partners with their acts
4)It should serve as a lesson to prospective perpetrators of the act
I Being of a mixed stance(mostly liberal but conservative about some things) and as  much as I respect their opinion and concur to an extent,I stated my own points and made my position known

..Legally,it is an intrusion on privacy to publish unauthorised pictures of people. “They were having sex in a hotel room”.It is not the business of the public. Whatever amorous,lecherous act they were carrying out was done in private and the pictures were personal pictures. The law has no business with the morality or lack thereof of the people.
We support and laugh because they are adulterers if we can allow this,then we can allow the privacy of married people to be intruded upon, after all,we want to watch sexual scenes,After all,they are adulterers! “free pictures”.but someone is paying for it and if we cannot speak against it,then we should not say anything if secret cameras are mounted in the bedrooms of people all in the bid to show sex scenes.
It is not their marital status that matters but the substance of the matter is that they are free people like you and their fundamental liberties are being breached.

From the realistic point of view,we know that these pictures do not correct anything. They are the seas in which bloggers thrive in for publicity and traffic,it doesn’t make any difference to them, what is being corrected?as you’re reading this,someone somewhere is having adulterous sex. The only thing it teaches is for them to be more careful. These ones were just culprits,fall guys,the heads that have to hang on a pike,meanwhile the evil is still entrenched in us
After all,the eleventh commandment is “don’t be caught”
Even morally,I can’t find anything to justify it.
Adultery is a sin. its horrid and painful to the partners but is there a sin the creator cannot forgive?are they the worst off? The important question remains “are those chastising them any better”
How many people in our midst are free of sexual immorality? Also from a biblical perspective any kind of illegitimate sex,pre-marital or extra-marital is sin.”when you look at a woman lust fully,you have committed adultery with her in your heart
These were the exact words of Jesus.
So,how many of us are free from sin if we are to be judged by that standard? Was Jesus not a liberal man? Did he allow the adulteress to be stoned? Did he not show mercy to the robber on the cross? Let’s ask ourselves this,if Jesus was on the scene of the Aluu burning,would he have approved of it?
Jesus accused the Samaritan woman of adultery,but did he broadcast it in the town of Samaria for the woman to be mocked and disgraced among her people?
Did he not speak to her personally?.
if the accusers were trying to score a moral point,they should have spoken to the culprits personally or at least informed their spouses rather than publicising it all over the web and the world.
In the end,we do more harm than good.
-Jobs will be lost
-Marriages will be broken.(indeed,the spouses may have forgiven them in ordinary circumstances but when something like this is made public,it becomes a thing of ego and a huge blow for anyone to handle)in the end,things in marriages should be kept between the married.
-Trust will be forever eroded
-Their children will bear the brunt. Imagine a child growing up to look upon the naked image of his mother in the act of adultery or his father.what emotional trauma matches that? indeed it becomes terrible for everyone except the entertained viewers and satisfied publicist who are on to the next one and d lives of those involved takes a downward tilt.
Lets not forget that there can be no justice in the world.
The ultimate justice is that of the creator.You’re not God’s agent on earth 2 carry out his judgement on others.

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The Jide Taiwos Guide to Online Dating.

Internet wooing does not have to be a nightmare. But as several women has discovered, online douchebags are far many online. They lurk in every corner of the web, waiting to pounce on every available (and unavailable) woman with a Facebook account or Twitter timeline.
I have come to reassure you, my friends: you don’t have to join the ignorant masses who unwitting repel the ladies.
You can successfully meet and date a gorgeous woman through your computer, smart or dumbphone. This is how.
Don’t be that random guys telling her she’s hot
Your opening line should never include anything regarding her appearance. Asides being rude, it’s completely unoriginal and redundant. Most women assume that if you’re taking the time to mail or tweet at them, you already find them attractive. Because really, when did guys ever want to get in touch with women simply because we want them to be cool friends we can kick it with?  Never!  Your main goal should be showing interest without seeming desperate or creepy. Stupid compliments like ‘You look take away’ or ‘You’re so sexy’ are just that: stupid. Women will NEVER respond to that.
Consider how creepy you are
Let’s be real,  dating, especially online,  is fraught with many dangers; and as we have seen in recent times, led to  heartbreaking fatalities. So you can’t blame women for always having their guards up. Until proven otherwise, you are a stranger with bad intentions. The key is to take it slow. Over time, the friendship might develop into an amorous affair.
Whenever it’s possible, get a mutual friend to introduce you
I cannot list how many times I’ve gotten messages from female friends asking about guys on my friend list that have been hounding them. Needless to say, I always disown such lame guys. The best way to limit her inhibitions about befriending a stranger is to get a mutual friend to refer you. If a friend thinks highly of you enough to reach out on your behalf and vouch for you, you’ve nullified any potential creepiness; in fact you’ve actually won a few points!
Reconsider your handle
Some screws must be loose in your head if you think with a Twitter handle like @omobabaolowo or @bootyman any woman will take you seriously. She will size you up in one glance and the chance will be gone forever.
Any woman you show interest in will automatically check you out too and these days, nothing is hidden on the web. You want to come across as a lecherous bum or troll? Your choice.
Get involved in the conversation
Women are looking for a man who is genuinely interested in who she is and what she has to say. Rather than commenting on a profile picture, say something about what her last status read. There is no need to pose as the man of her dreams. Feel free to disagree with her. It’s not about seeing eye to eye from the get go. It’s more likely that a woman will become intrigued by a guy who interacts with her on a daily basis and actually has something interesting to say.
Ask yourself, “Would I say/do/ask this in real life?”
Many online foot-in-mouth moments can be avoided by imagining that you were talking to the person face to face. Would you ask her for a nude photo? Would you ask her to show you her boobs? The application is endless. But as she cannot slap you through the air waves, she would simply block you.
If you have a wife or a girlfriend…
Do not attempt any of the above listed tips if you already are in a marriage or relationship. In these days of screen munching and screen grabbing, the evidence will be laying around somewhere. Besides turning women off, it will get you into trouble faster than a President Jonathan N5000 idea. I know. Don’t ask me how…
Lastly  and most importantly, do not assume that because she’s talking to you, she’s flirting. Women have the (devilish) ability to be friendly without being interested in you sexually at all. Some women just want to be friends. Be a gentleman and go with the flow. No be every woman person dey date…
Follow Jide on twitter @thejidetaiwo. You can also visit his blog http://dailyweddings.blogspot.com.

“Editors Comment”. In the light of the Cynthia Osokogus case.. it is necessary that we highlight a few DOs and Donts. I mean I know you wouldn’t give your house keys or home address to a perfect stranger in “real life” would you. Yet many of us unwittingly share information that could compromise our safety and security on the social media.
The importance of not broadcasting your every move on the social media cannot be over emphasised..also is uploading information in the public that may give strangers an unnecessary insight into your life
This may expose us to fraudsters and predators.
Finally if you must meet your facebook love (thanks to Jaywon)Do so in a very open and public place. Ultimately, it is your responsibility to keep yourself safe.. So please apply every necessary precaution to safeguard your interactions in and out of cyberspace..

Follow me on twitter @nomyguccy. You can also send your emails to nomy@mtnnigeria.blackberry.com. Xoxo

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Diary Of a Diva

Dear Diary……
The fact that today may have been the last time he was going to see me in a long time, Didn’t actually change anything,

i fought against going to see him at the terminal, and finally against what i realised to be better judgment, i went.
Even while we talked….  i knew we were secretly wondering what the heck the whole conversation was about.

At first we made small talk  about the weather, about the cute girl who was going to be his seat mate….. You know, stuff like that.
I must admit that while all this was going on, I secretly waited for the fight to start, while he talked i counted in my mind…  it was almost getting disappointing,but  it finally came.
Surprising as it may seem I was anticipating that fight. There was no need for me to pretend it wouldn’t happen.. My only relief was that since we were in a public place he would be civil about it
I indeed knew my man, he was a sucker for appearance. Always concerned about his image in public, but inside the house, he was nothing short of a roaring lion..

 He went on and on about issues, believe me would not interest you at all.
I was quite at first,Not that I didn’t have anything to say,Words were not lacking. What was lacking was the strength to say the things I needed to say. I was filled with emotion, yet drained of passion, because of the things I had seen.
My friend zima once told me that Silence is not always “golden”,It is manipulative,withholding and often times passive aggressive..
In as much as i didn’t want us to say our goodbyes on a sad note, i couldn’t resist not joining the little brawl that had ensued, especially as he said things that were not true  and of course tried to put the blame on me………

I had a lot of time to think, all I ever wanted was a life full of love. My idea of love was one filled with Peace and bubbling with Joy. It is said that Love is the greatest key to this -Peace and Joy. Love is a term we so little understand. Yes, we know its feeling. We are even aware of its stated instructions.

Often times, we make the decisions. But often we also fail to realize that to truly function, love requires so many other things to support it. We’ve been misled to think that Love is all we need.
Songs abound extolling its virtues and proclaiming how love can solve all our problems.

And yet, in this age and time of the abundant love, an ever-increasing number of people feel unloved by the ones who love them.
Perhaps, we do not have enough love.
But something most overlooked is that we often lack those very things Love requires to properly function.

Am certain now this was the perception I had before embarking on this sorrow filled relationship
Silly me i always thought the most beautiful form of love was to let your beloved be happy and respect their judgment.

And that if respecting his judgement meant me enduring a slap, punch or even a scolding every other time. I would gladly do it for love
I mean Is that not love? is it not love to endure whatever pain may come your way as long as they are happy.
I mean love is respectful right?
Is it not love to put on a stoic face and pretend to be ok, or even be an expert at giving others relationship titbits when you can barely put yours together.

I have often times been described to be insensitive and never showing emotions.
People fail to understand that my lack of tears do not indicate lack of affection, in fact it is the greatest act of devotion because that is what it means for me to love.

I  got to learn one really important lesson….. never take life too seriously
Sometimes in life you meet people and you think they complete you and you become stupidly dependent on them… You are so ensnared in this falsehood that you think that without them. You won’t survive
…. that’s the biggest lie in the book
no one can actually complete  you…
many times u stick out your neck too far…
 you try to make people happy, but you don’t really know what it is that they want.. Choosing to build and grow with a man/woman should be a calculated move not a “love is blind and it will take over your life move”

i remember the many conversations we had in the very beginning…
 when we sat out and drank and listened to the birds chipping ..
today i looked up for those same birds, they were there all right, but they weren’t chipping..  the leaves on the tree didn’t even rustle.
Am certain they were listening in on our conversation today…..
you know sometimes when you know something is about to happen to you and that things will never be the same again….
When you walk out a door and you don’t look back
I had that feeling today
It ain’t a good one

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“Dear YNB reader have your scales fallen off lol. Maybe I am passionate about this because I too have been in the zone and trust me its not funny oo

The important question to ponder on today is “why do men keep leading women on” ! Yup. We have all agreed that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, right?

Any ways Lemme tell you a little story of how it always happens…..: you run into this girl. You start talking probably exchange phone numbers,pins, email addresses etc… Along the line you find out that you actually like this girl, I mean what’s there not to like she is cool, pretty, smart, intelligent,talks well, and she is also friendly and best of all is that you guys get along so so well.

Being in each other’s company is something you both extremely enjoy. You guys either hang out a lot or occasionally,depending on your jobs and schedule.

You “always” go out of your way to help her – in fact you would bend over whenever necessary to make sure she is ok. Now on the other hand, Guess what She likes you too. She thinks you’re an amazing guy someone that has been God sent to take care of and heal her broken heart. You instantly become her best friend and confidant. She tells you everything and I mean everything and depending on the duration of your “relationship” some of your friends even think you guys are an item. But you’re not.(Remember Tolu? …if not go and read “NO DEFINITION” on this blog)

In fact, when people tease you about it, you INSIST that she is just your friend.”Drum rolls” ding ding ding

Now Brothers this is the real deal though
she is not on the same level as you are, she thinks otherwise.
She actually likes you enough to date you. (Scratch that) she is totally and completely in love with you.
Fellas guess what, the fact that you haven’t made a move yet is even a plus because she thinks your a perfect gentleman.

Ladies in the house remember these lines. “He is the perfect gentleman”. He is so sweet” He hasn’t even made a move yet”. Am sure we all do
Guys this sister is attracted to you not just physically but emotionally as well.
I mean what’s there not to love, you are always there for her and you do all the right things at the right time.

I have come to the most logical conclusion that men and women too process information differently.
You probably have her labelled somewhere in your mind as ” just a friend i like”. Well am pleased to inform you that in her own mind
” you are building your case for that day when you will finally ask her out” she is w̶̶a̶̶i̶̶t̶̶ing ̶̶f̶̶o̶̶r̶̶ ̶̶t̶̶h̶̶e̶̶ ̶̶p̶̶e̶̶r̶̶f̶̶e̶̶c̶̶t̶̶ ̶̶m̶̶o̶̶m̶̶e̶̶n̶̶t̶̶ .. . And before you think we women are crazy for thinking this way, consider it carefully: If you’re not interested in her like THAT then why are you being so nice, so present, so THERE??? It’s confusing for women.

A woman’s mind and I guess heart tell her that the reason you are SO present is because you care about her in a special way – Sadly, the thing is that when the guy realises she has feelings for him, he ZONES her and leaves her hanging!

I clearly remember this dude. Let’s call him okey. Barely a month to my degree in school, I was a total mess like, things were just upside down. I was battling with emotional and academic stress am sure you know how tormenting that can be
Okechukwu although so far away, was my only solace. He called me every single day and helped me through the crises. Not long after feelings got in the way and before I knew it I was put in the “friend zone box”

Now that my scales are off. I actually wanna know why a guy who is not my boyfriend, or a business partner or family at that, would wanna call me on the phone for 1hour or more EVERYDAY!!!!!!
Yes every single day..

Stop it! Don’t do it. Guys, if you’re not interested in a girl like THAT, then don’t be there like THAT!

Do you guys think we don’t read meanings into all those phone calls? Really? You don’t ? You must be kidding me.

Guys should learn to create boundaries you don’t always have to be present all the time
Especially when you start to sense that she really likes you.
For lack of a better way to say it, “back off”. Don’t pretend you don’t know she likes you.

In all fairness, you are probably just a nice guy who cares about his friends so you can’t understand why she’s thinking that way.

My experience of being a one time resident in the Friend Zone apartment has made me realise that a man can have a close female friend. But this means that he is probably interested in her,and even though he hangs around so much, he sees her strictly as a friend.
This is roughly the equivalent of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
In conclusion dear brothers don’t be a “leading” man. In my definition a “leading”man is one who leads women on
Don’t lead her on only to leave her hanging.

“Guys, do you think some women over analyse and read a little too much meaning into your gestures?
Girls have u been lead on by a “leading” man. if you have any extreme case to share
Then send me a mail at nomy@mtnnigeria.blackberry.com and I may just publish your story

Follow me on twitter @nomyguccy. xoxo

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